Looking for a Utah Jazz fan

Job Description 

Utah Jazz Fan

Location: Utah or Remote

The NBA is currently looking for Utah Jazz fans. This is an exciting opportunity to get in at the ground floor of what is considered to be a “pre-Bandwagon” situation.

Requirements 

  • You prefer the Western Conference over the Eastern Conference
  • You once got into a bar fight because someone said that John Stockton was “not even that good” and “isn’t even a Top 5 point guard of all time.”
  • You’re just not into the Golden State Warriors. You were fine when it was Curry, Klay, and Draymond, because hey, they built through the Draft, they did it the right way, but the Durant signing and now Boogie, those were steps too far.
  • You have a Karl Malone jersey somewhere in your house. You’re not sure where, but you know it’s never been thrown out.
  • You’re not really into the whole LeBron in LA thing.
  • You want the fun 3-pt shooting of the Houston Rockets but deep down you think James Harden is a little overrated.
  • You got into it with another fan in the YouTube comment section under the video of Michael Jordan’s last shot over Bryon Russell. “That was a push-off! Biggest no call of all time!” 
  • You’ve put a one-way flight to Salt Lake City in your cart seven times on SouthwestAirlines.com. But each time you ended up skiing in Colorado instead.
  • You love a good bounce pass
  • Thirty percent of the time you refer to Ricky Rubio as Marco Rubio
  • You’re somewhere in between being a Mormon and having seen The Book of Mormon
  • You once went to a deli with Greg Ostertag and both ordered tuna melts.

Responsibilities

  • Watch every televised Jazz game on ESPN or TNT. Note – If you’re on the East Coast, there’s no shame in falling asleep in the third quarter of a Jazz vs. Portland game. 
  • Consider buying NBA League Pass. You don’t have to ultimately buy it, but it should sit in the checkout cart for at least 3 days.
  • Be the guy or gal in the office who says, “Don’t forget about the Utah Jazz” when people list out the top four seeds as Golden State, Houston, LA, and OKC.
  • Fly out to Salt Lake City on Friday, November 9th to stand beside 18,000 of the most polite people you’ll ever meet and stand together for a 1-minute ovation to Gordon Hayward.
  • Purchase this sweatshirt below, wear it into the office, and take it in stride when no one understands or even asks you about the reference. At best, there may be one Utah Jazz fan on the engineering team who gives you a head nod followed by a short Slack message containing a John Stockton Giphy.

Perks

  • Nobody will hate you. Literally. There is not one person on the planet who says, “I hate the Utah Jazz.”
  • Donovan Mitchell is a star. Like maybe a Dwyane Wade type of career ceiling. It’s crazy to watch, he already runs the team like a 10-year player and he’s only 22-years-old.
  • The Jazz dropped 81 (81!) in the first half last night against Golden State.
  • Marco Ricky Rubio will occasionally rock a man bun.
  • Joe Ingles will become your new favorite player.
  • Strong homecourt advantage.
  • Rudy Gobert was quietly Defensive Player of the Year last season. He’s one of the best big men in the league and you’ll have instant street cred when you travel to France wearing his jersey.
  • They don’t lose bad games. Nothing is more frustrating as a fan than when your team mails it in against Sacramento and loses by 15 points. Head Coach Quin Snyder doesn’t let that happen.
  • They’re secretly the second best team in the West…
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